Unconventional things I taught my kids
These healthy habits are things I believe every child should know, so I am teaching them to my boys while they are young...
Check your wees…
Getting my kids to drink enough isn’t easy. I used to be super strict about my boys only drinking water, but even I hate the taste and smell of our chlorinated tap water. I invested in a Waters Bio 500 bench filter that they can help themselves to filtered water from, which helps. But they still don’t drink enough, so I do whatever it takes to keep them hydrated. I like sugar-free Water Drops for a nice fruity flavour. Barkers does a low sugar cordial that is another ‘treat’ option. But, back to the point… I get the boys to check the colour of their wees to make sure they are hydrated enough and it really helps them to understand their body’s needs. They often come out of the loo saying, ‘Mummy, I did a light wee, so I am hydrated,’ while giving me the thumbs up.
… And while you’re at it, check your poop
The boys love to examine their poop and I am all for it, although it may be ever so slightly awkward when we are in a public toilet and everyone has to hear the full rundown, ‘Mummy, it’s good and solid, but not too hard and there’s lots of it coming out. Oh look, it’s a dark brown colour with no cracks. Yay, it’s a healthy poo!’ I always hope that the person in the cubicle next door is learning something new about poo. But you know what, we should all analyse our poo and know what a healthy poo looks like. I have taught my boys young so they know what their body needs based on their daily bowel movements.
Laughter is good for you
Sometimes I get to the end of a day and realise we have been rushing and I may have been a bit of a tyrant, saying ‘Quickly, quickly, we HAVE to go NOW!’ on repeat. I hate those days. But if I am conscious that it’s been one of those, it’s great to find something to make the kids laugh. My boys are the age where toilet humour is hysterical. I can make them fall about laughing by saying silly things, like ‘Poo-wee you smell like poo!’ This is one of my son’s favourite phrases that he says a million times a day. My boys love when I join in their grotty jokes rather than tell them it’s rude. I know… It’s not funny. But it’s important for me to be in play mode and not always in dictator mode. A less revolting way to share a laugh with the boys is to bring up some funny videos of them as babies and toddlers. They love to have a giggle over those.
Don’t rush hugs
My boys are at the delightful age where they love full-body Koala hugs. But this is so good for them (and me!) so long may it last. I have taught the boys that hugs should be long; at least six seconds so that the corresponding chemical process in the brain can be consolidated. I have taught them that an even longer 10-second hug helps the body fight infections and makes us feel happier and more energised. And they know that a lovely long 20-second hug reduces the impact of stress and is good for their heart health. I’m not sure how we will manage this if/when they become teenagers that aren’t into mama hugs, but right now, I am enjoying all the long hugs I can get. The other night, I was feeling really flat and the boys came back in to say goodnight to me for about the 15th time. Usually, by this point, the hugs are a bit half-arsed on my part as I am just wanting a break from the kids. ‘Long hug’ Jackson whispered. I held him tight, as we quietly and slowly counted to 20 together and it made me feel a million times better. Sometimes our children show us what we need just as much as we show them.
Personal pride over external validation
I don’t know that my boys are old enough to understand the impact of negative thinking, but I am pleased to report that we never hear ‘I can’t do it,’ or ‘I’m useless at that.’ Instead, the boys are all, ‘I can do it,’ and ‘I’m proud of myself for trying this’ and ‘I did a good job.’ (YES! It works when we role model this stuff.) I can tell you that I have busted my backside to teach them to always try, effort over perfection, practice makes us good and that when we do something we are proud of that is the most important thing - NOT impressing other people. Sometimes on the way to school, we do a round of affirmations: ‘I am strong’, ‘I am kind’, ‘I can do hard things’. We also chat about what it actually means to ‘be kind’ and ‘do hard things’.
Self-regulation skills
It’s taken me a long time to learn self-regulation and admittedly, I still work at it daily. That’s OK. It’s all growth. Sometimes being a parent makes me feel like a rubber band that is being stretched bit by bit by bit by bit by bit until I eventually snap. Other times it’s as though my children legitimately do not hear me unless I am shouting. To be fair, our house is pretty noisy with two young boys roaring. 🙄 (I know I am not alone in this am I parents?) Mindfulness has helped me to take a pause to respond to a situation rather than snap, but I’m only human and like most of us there are times when I don’t always act in my best self. I try to live ‘in my body’ and in full awareness of my emotional experience with myself and others and through this, I’ve also learned to notice the ‘red flags’ that tell me when I am close to snapping (the heat rising in my body, the gritted teeth, the racing heart) and what to do (take a few deep breaths, ask myself what I need, take ease in the knowledge that this will pass). But, I am a firm believer that the sooner we can learn to take a ‘Mindful Pause’ and self-regulate the better. That’s why I wrote The Little Tiger with the Big Temper, to teach both parents and children these valuable skills. Remember, this stuff is no good just being taught in the classroom if it isn’t modelled in the home. When we learn to pause and self-regulate through life’s challenges, our communication skills improve, thus our relationships with others bloom, as well as our relationship with ourselves as we develop our self-confidence and our ability to cope flourishes. These are all the good things I have gained from mindfulness and why I am so passionate about teaching my children to self-regulate. Seeing them belly breathe when they are anxious, nervous or stressed makes me so proud of my little learners. And knowing that my breath is always there to calm my own nervous system when I need it feels just as good.