As I wrote this, my little boys were at school. And my heart was filled with gratitude that they are safe there. They may tumble from the jungle gym and break a bone, get bullied, or worry about their learning and trust me, as a mama I worry about that stuff too. But I do not worry about a bullet entering their body.
Today, I cried for the children whose final moments were tears and terror, where there should only be laughter and lessons.
I cried for the parents who somehow have to find the strength to keep going after losing a child - after losing their world.
And frankly, I am filled with rage that it keeps happening, and nothing changes. Nothing. Ever. Changes.
I fume at the policymakers funded by the NRA.
I fume that America has more licensed gun dealers than gas stations.
I fume that weapons of war and mass killing are available to people without a 'mental health' or 'background check'.
If you think you need a gun for defence, it's time to look at why your laws are making you vulnerable. It’s time to ask why your laws not doing everything to keep your family safe from gun violence in schools, movie theatres, churches, supermarkets and shopping malls? Who in your family would you sacrifice to demand change?
America, why should it EVER be okay to worry for your life or the lives of your loved ones going about your daily business? There's nothing civil about a civilisation where people can carry loaded weapons in their bags.
America, today I can't take my mind off those suffering families and those sweet babies who were taken in the most hellish way. Each time, my breath catches in my throat it becomes too much, and the tears fall again. I can’t put into words the all-encompassing love a parent has for their child. I couldn’t even begin to fathom the pain of losing one.
Unfortunately, my tears won’t change anything for you, America.
America, you are not my country. But I'm a mama. Any child being hurt or killed and any parent having to survive the unimaginable grief of losing a child is beyond heartwrenching.
Enough is enough, America. You are broken. Fix it.